As we are walking through the grocery store the other night, looking for something to put on our newly fixed grill, Addie spied a package of chicken legs…

A: “Ew. Mama? I don’t wanna eat no more dead animals.”

She has a friend who is a vegetarian and I’ve tried “no meat” for a time or two, so I wasn’t totally surprised and wasn’t stressed out about it.

M: “Hmmm…ok. Well, what would you like to eat? Can we put some vegetables on the grill for you?”
A:  “Mmmm…let’s have steak!”

No. I didn’t tell her where steak comes from. She’ll figure it out soon enough.

I won’t even bore you with all of the crushing details of our incredibly insane life right now. Just the fact that I’m couldn’t even manage a bullet-list T&T Thursday this week can probably give you an idea of the mayhem around here.

But there is one conversation Addie and I had today that I decided I must sit down and document because it is just too, too good! So I decided it has been too long since we have done a Friday Funny Stuff entry – and here is one for you…

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We were on our way somewhere today and Ads had brought both Cookie (the ratty, filthy-even-though-I-wash-him-at-least-weekly, orange cat that she has taken to dragging around with her) and Bear. I had to wrap them both up in blankets because “my babies are going to be so chilly, Mommy!” and finally got the three of them to the car. Then Addie had to buckle Bear into Emma’s seat and Cookie got stuffed into the pocket behind the driver’s seat.

A: “You have to buckle all your babies up, don’t you Mama?”
M: “Yep. So they can be safe.”
A: “Babies need lots of good food, protein, and eight cups of water to grow, don’t they?”
M: “Yep, but I know something else they need…”
A: “Sleep?”
M: “Yes, well that, too. But something else.”
A: “I dunno, what?”
M: “LOVE! They need hugs and kisses. Don’t you need love from your Mommy and Daddy to grow?”
A: “I guess so. That is a lot of stuff. It is hard to be a Mommy all the time.”
M: “Amen. It is hard work to get your babies to grow up strong and healthy.”
A: “I think it is too hard. I think I will just stay a kid. All babies should stay kids so they don’t have to work so hard.”

If only it were that easy…

This Friday’s edition of funny stuff is brought to you by none other than little Miss Addison, and it is filled with good ‘ol bathroom humor. I will never understand why kids think “poop” and all things bathroom related are funny, but anyhow…

A: Mama! I went potty, can you help me put my dress back on? (Yes, we are still with the “naked thing” when she goes potty.)
M: Yep. Come here.
A: I went #1 AND #2, and #3!

(Jamie’s contribution to their education while I was away on my weekend = what “#1″ and “#2″ mean. I can just see him standing outside of the public girl’s bathroom trying to explain that one.)

M: Um…ok. What is #3?
(Emma is cracking up and then Addie starts in and they can barely explain #3 to me.)
A: Emma and I says that #3 is when you have to go – Whew! That is stinky – CLOSE THE DOOR, stinky!

Uh huh. So #3 has been introduced into the household and it is in heavy rotation. Because you know, it is just so, so funny!

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And this morning Addie was helping me in the bathroom and I asked her to get me a new roll of toilet paper. She opened up this tiny little drawer that we never use but I could hear something rolling around in there.

A: Oh! Toilet paper can’t fit in that drawer, Mama! (As she shuts the drawer)
M: No, but what is in there, Ad?
A: (Opens it back up and peers in) Just some big straws, Mama.
M: Straws? (Racking my brain to figure out how straws got into the bathroom.)

So I checked the drawer myself. They were not straws. They were…uh, feminine products. Definitely not straws. But I think I’m just going to let her think they are straws for a bit longer – I am so not ready for that conversation.

Cheeky monkey.

We have had a touch of the sassy molassys around the house lately. Mostly from one little three-year old girl who shall remain nameless.

She got sent to the steps for yelling “I don’t want that for dinner! I don’t LIKE red peppers!” (at the top of her lungs!) earlier this week.

When I went in to release her from timeout, we had this little conversation -

A: Mama! Mama! I DO like red peppers! Can I get off the step now?
M: I did not put you on the steps because you don’t like red peppers! I put you on the step for talking to Mama like that.
A: Oh. Ok. Can I get off the step now?
M: What do you say to me?
A: I love you, Mama? (Oooh, the girl is good.)
M: Noooo, you need to look at me in the eyes and apologize.
A: (Silence. Chirp, chirp. But a few tears welling up in the corners of her eyes)
M: You say, ‘I’m sorry for talking to you like that Mama.‘
A: I’m sorry for talking like that to you Mama.
M: I do not ever want to hear you talk to me like that again, got it?
A: (In all seriousness) I do not ever want to hear you talk to me like that again, got it?

Emma is cracking up in the living room, and yes, it was hard to maintain a “mad” look after that little stunt.

Cheeky monkey.