BarelyControlledChaos

For all my big talk about how amazing it was (is) going to be to have some “all alone” time this weekend, it is just…well, weird. It doesn’t feel right. It has been a mere 12 hours since the girls were dropped at their respective best friend’s homes, but instead of living it up and taking advantage of my freedom, I’m left feeling very unsettled. I think being “Mom” must truly be ingrained in me, and being “off-duty” just kinda leaves me feeling a little lost.

My big weekend so far? We’ll start at last night…

Just dropped Em off at Audrey’s. She could not get rid of me fast enough. I think she actually said, “Ok, Mama. Time to go.” I run between the raindrops back to the car and as I turn the key, I catch myself starting to say, “All buckled?” Then I glance into the mirror and see the empty backseat. Not even a carseat. Nothing but a few (well, quite a few actually) crumbs and a cast-off hairband. Weird.

Walk into the very quiet house and am greeted by the lonely meow of Tiger. I call to check on Addie and Brandi assures me that Addikins is being “very, very good” and happily playing with the kids. Addie agrees to take a breather and say good night over the phone to me.

“Hi Mama. We are just playing. I’m being very good and using my good manners. Goodnight. Bye. Love you.”

I struggle to hold back my tears, I have rarely talked to the girls on the phone. She sounds so little. That sweet, baby voice doesn’t fit the confident four-year old I left just an hour or so ago.

I wander upstairs and begin to pack since I’ll need to be getting to the airport in ten hours or so.

I wander back downstairs, packing didn’t take nearly as long as I had anticipated. It is too early to head to bed and too late to try to watch a movie, but I desperately need some sort of noise. It is so quiet I can hear the pat-pat-pat of Tiger’s paws as she moves across the floor, even over the sound of the rain pounding our courtyard outside.

I turn on Project Runway. Mmmm…how gaudy and tacky is that dress? Oh, but how much would Em adore it? I can almost hear her exclaiming, “Look how pretty that one is, Mama! I like the sparkly straps. Isn’t it pretty, Mama?”

Tacky dress gets voted off. Should I delete the show? Well, maybe I’ll keep it and play it for Em and see if my theory is correct.

I head upstairs, I guess I should try to get a little sleep. Without thinking, I turn left at the top of the stairs to go in and tuck the girls in. Stop at Addie’s door when I see her neatly made bed and remember there is nobody to cover up, no sweet cheeks to kiss tonight.

I wander through her room and pick up a stray stuffed cat and throw it back on her bed. I can almost hear her raspy little snores, and then I catch a whiff of her sleepy smell – a mix of baby shampoo, lavender bath soap and toothpaste.

Em’s room gives more of the same – familiar smells, but an empty bed. I add water to her fishtank, Katherine, (Em’s poor, somewhat neglected fish) gives me a thankful wag of the fin for the pinch of food I also throw in.

Feeling lonely, I coax Tiger to sleep with me. My tossing and turning all night must have driven her away in the night though, when I woke up this morning even she was gone.

I just realized that I’ve been up for six hours already, one-quarter of a day, and other than a quick call to J. at the airport and a “Could I have a venti non-fat, no whip mocha, please” at the Starbucks, I haven’t said a word to anyone, or had any sort of conversations or demands to tend to. I’ve read the entire newspaper, found a craft for Em’s class to do next week (thank you, Family Fun magazine), and written this post. Now what do I do with myself?

I think this just proves that you can might be able to take the girl out of the Mom, but you can’t take the Mom out of the girl.

I miss my girls. I think by the time I can shake my Mom-mode and start to relax, it will be about the time I’m heading back home. And right now I’m really looking forward to that trip back.

Okay, so first of all…this week went by so quickly I can hardly believe it is Friday already. And secondly, my This & That Thursday – now Friday needs a new name. Nothing sounds as snappy as T&T Thursday. But, I don’t have time to work on it now, so that will be our mission for next Friday, I suppose.

For anyone who didn’t get our theme yesterday, it was indeed blue. Kimberly’s shot was the cool straws and my shot was the vase of flowers. Although, they are not really flowers. I mean, they are flowers, to Addie – but they are the little blossoms that grow out of the middle of the clover patch in our rose garden. They are essentially weeds. But every morning Ad will walk out when we are getting ready to leave and nearly fall over herself with glee, “More flowers, Mama! We got more beautiful yellow flowers!” And she picks all of them and put them in little cups all over the house. The other morning there was a very big clump and so it required THE vase.

That blue vase is my favorite vase of all time. J. brought it up to the hospital with a gorgeous bouquet of yellow and orange roses when I was admitted at 28 weeks pregnant with little Miss Emma. She thought it was a good time to try to come out. We all did NOT think it was a good time. So it is my good luck vase, reminds me of being pregnant to my Peanut and has become our “go to” vase. Whenever any of us get flowers we all kind of fight over the “pretty blue vase.”

Besides flowers, Addie has been obsessed with hearts. Paper, cut-out hearts. For every flower in our house there are at least five paper hearts. This one came home from school yesterday.

It is for her Daddy. How sweet is that?

Meanwhile, Emmy is missing her Daddy as well, and sending him all kinds of love…

…but she absolutely cannot wait until I finally leave because she gets to spend the weekend with her very bestest friend and they have some very big plans, or so I hear.

Other “noteable” moments for Em this week. Our Daisy troop delivered over 500 pairs of shoes last weekend to the Soles 4 Souls program to be sent to the victims in Haiti. 500 pairs…that is a.lot.of.shoes!

And…we also wrapped up taking orders for the GS cookies. Em is so excited, she gets a patch AND a t-shirt. Mommy was so excited because Em was a fantastic cookie salesperson. She helped come up with her little speech and she delivered it many, many times to family, friends and neighbors. And she just kept getting better and better. It was so awesome to watch her confidence grow as more people bought cookies. And it also made me even more determined to make sure the girls in Em’s troop get everything they need. Girl Scouting does indeed build strong girls. I see it every time our troop meets.

So thank you very much for all of you who supported Em and bought cookies and helped make her just a little stronger this week.

And finally, I am praying for strength for my mom. My mom’s aunt died yesterday evening. She was the last of my Grandma’s siblings left. As we were talking about our memories of her, it came out that my mom feels badly about not calling and talking with her before she died. But then it hit me. How many of us have had, or will have at some point in our lives, this same regret? Something happens and we are left thinking, why didn’t I just call to say “hi” or “I’m thinking of you.”

We get so wrapped up in our lives and the days just slide away. Then more and more time goes by and we feel like it has been too long, it would be awkward to call. Or maybe we just take it for granted that our family and friends know how we feel. And then it is too late. I know I am guilty of this.

Last night was a wake-up call for me. I am not going to let another day, another week, another month go by without calling or writing to those I care about. I’m generally a “it is what it is” kind of girl. But I think that this is one of those things that shouldn’t be “what it is.” This is not something I want to leave to chance.

(Just a little Addie sweetness to look at while you think about all that “heavy” stuff over the weekend. Our hearts and prayers are with you, Mom!)

Don’t cheat and look at Flickr. Now what do you think we chose as our theme this week?

And who shot which photo? Remember, I’m teamed up with Kimberly.

Hosted by Megan and Hip Momma

If you need a friend, reach out your hand and I’ll be there.

Today’s CT is short and sweet since I’m trying to finish up another birthday dress for our little friend who turns 1 today (Happy Birthday, Elizabeth!) and I’m trying to get a little camera bag sort of thing done before my trip at the end of the week, too.

But we had birthdays last week, as you well know – and we had to take some time out to bake some cookies for Daddy (we sent them to the hotel…and they weren’t too dry, I guess.) and cupycakes for Uncle Jeff.

And I also finally got a little baby shower gift together for my cousin. She is expecting a little girl anytime now, and I’m figuring this package probably got to her already. If it didn’t by some chance, don’t peek Jackie!

There are some little reversible bibs…

Some reversible, flannel (super-soft flannel!) burp cloths…

And some little onesies…

My favorite, of course, is the little birdie…

And that is all I have today. I’ve got to get back to the machine…but I’ll be back to check in on your craftiness…so leave it!

For weeks we have been anxiously awaiting our girls night out to see Mary Poppins, the musical,
and it did not disappoint.

From getting dressed up and the company to the ah-maze-ing show the night was
practically perfect in every way.

We get to celebrate two of our favorite boys being born on this day, Daddy and Uncle Jeff.

Here’s a pic just in case you are having trouble remembering how old you are – because you know. That is what happens when you get old, you forget stuff. Or so we are told….

Hope you have a fantastic day and the best year yet!

(Daddy we have all kinds of birthday celebrations planned for you if you would just hurry up and come home!)

Love you!
C, E & A

Aha! So there are other nerdy, geeks out there who think all this sleep cycle stuff is kinda interesting, too.

So, now to answer all those questions I keep getting…

How does the app know what phase you are in?

Since you move differently in bed during the different phases, Sleep Cycle uses the accelerometer in your iPhone to monitor your movement to determine which sleep phase you are in.

That same accelerometer that lets the girls play MonkeyBall (where you tilt the phone this way and that to get the ball to go somewhere – I don’t know. I’ve never played it…) can sense your movements while you sleep. You put the phone at the top of your bed, right under your fitted sheet so it holds it in place and can detect your movements.

Are you afraid that the cell waves are going directly into your head?

That was my first worry. But you put the phone into airplane mode – so the wireless is shut off. So no waves. Nowhere near my head. So it is fine.

So…how are you sleeping? Without J. home?

Ha! The first night…miserably. Remember my nice deep sleep when he was home? Well, the first night he was gone looked like this:

Went to bed / woke up: 11:10 PM / 5:51 AM
Total time: 6h 40m

Just enough little deep sleeps to make it so I wasn’t exhausted on Wednesday morning, but I certainly did not wake refreshed.

So I figured the next night I would be really tired and sleep really well:

Went to bed / woke up: 11:05 PM / 6:39 AM
Total time: 7h 33m

A much nicer stretch, but it took me 2 hours to fall asleep! I finally had to resort to reading. Still woke up before the alarm. And also woke up with a wicked head cold. NOT feeling refreshed.

So last night, I went back and forth trying to decide whether I should take some Nyquil or not before going to bed. I almost felt flu-ish, fever, chills, just all around horrible. But then, I HATE Nyquil. It makes me loopy and gives me horrible dreams. And especially didn’t want to take it knowing that I didn’t have backup if one of the girls got up or needed me. In the end, I felt just bad enough that I took half a dose knowing that if it just helped me sleep and stopped my runny nose, I might feel better in the morning.

And check last night’s graph out:

Went to bed / woke up: 11:16 PM / 7:08 AM
Total time: 7h 52m

There isn’t even a line for going to sleep. I think I was asleep in 30 seconds. My “awake peak” was when I had to get up, blow my nose and get a drink at 3. Em didn’t have school today so I didn’t set an alarm and slowly woke up right before 7.

So there you have it. Just need to self-medicate with Nyquil when you are worried about sleeping, I guess. And I did wake up feeling pretty good, but there have been a few other Nyquil side effects today.

We made cupcakes this morning so we could get them in the oven before Addie’s playdate. I put them in and then wandered off to change the beds and pick up the house. Our kitchen is in the back of the house and you really can’t hear a thing that goes on back there. So I didn’t hear my timer. And remember I have a wicked cold, so I can’t even smell the cupcakes baking.

I wandered back into the kitchen with water glasses and such and looked at the oven and thought, “Why is the stove on? I didn’t make eggs this morning, did I?” And as I was about to shut it off remembered that it was on for the CUPCAKES! That were most definitely done.

I’m totally blaming it on the Nyquil…or maybe I got too much sleep last night?

Nah. Definitely the Nyquil.

Yeeeehaw! It is Thursday.

I wasn’t really sure about doing a T&T Thursday as we charge into Team-Up Thursday today, but I really do like my little download post for the week. It lets me get all my thoughts and photos of the week documented and out here on the blog. Maybe I’ll just move it to Friday. Kinda makes more sense. But, since I’m writing it now, and it is going to be Thursday in a few minutes, I guess we get one more T&T Thursday.

So updates to earlier happenings…

The storm ended, and we had a sun-filled, peaceful weekend along with some really pretty views.

The sunsets have been incredible this week and I am always without my camera. You’d think I’d learn, but no.

We, and half of our neighborhood, hit the park this weekend for some fresh air. This is Addie’s little friend, Jessie. She is the cutest! My girls could care less that I’m in their face with the camera and she is just hamming it up in every photo.

Let’s see…what else is up with the buttercups?

Addikins is out of her mind with excitement. She pretty much sounds like this…

“OHMYPEAS!ONTHISDAY?WHENAREWEGOINGTOSEEMARYPOPPINS?ANDTHENEJISGOINGTOCOMETOOURHOUSEFORA
SLEEPOVERANDAFTERTHATI’MGOINGTOGOTOHERHOUSEFORASLEEPOVER!”

Translation: We get to go see Mary Poppins, the Musical with EJ (BFF, remember!) and her mom, B. on Friday.

And then we are having EJ over for a sleepover this weekend so her Mommy can go visit EJ’s Nana (please think good thoughts for B.’s mom – she is in the fight of her life, working on kicking cancer!). And THEN, the next weekend, Addie is going to stay at EJ’s while this Mommy travels down to Miami to the SuperBowl.

YEAH! THIS Mommy. Me.

My lovely friend B. is taking Addie, and my other lovely friend Jamie is taking Em for the weekend so I get to go hang with J. and see the Colts win a SuperBowl. (You heard it here first. Well, maybe not first…but you did hear it here!)

So besides getting to see the SuperBowl, I also get TWO six-hour plane rides. By myself. Do you have any idea what a treat that is? A big coffee. My iPod. A few magazines. A few books. And nobody asking for snacks, the DVD player, crayons, bubblegum…oh. I can hardly wait.

I mean…oh, I’m going to miss my girlies so very much! Yes. That is what I mean.

Emmy decided tonight that we really had to try to take a photo for Daddy (he is already in Miami) because “he is going to be gone for so long (two weeks) and he might need a new photo of his girls.” (Because he doesn’t have 20,000 photos already!) So she decided to try to take a few, and she snapped this.

You don’t even need to ask me how much I love that photo, do you?
But we need to try again on the timer photo of the three of us…

Gee…do we all have the same cheesy smile? Yes. Yes, we do.

Last week the talented ladies at Hip Momma and Mental Inventory threw down the Team-Up Thursday challenge. Always up for a new challenge and hoping to push my new camera just a little further, I asked my friend, Kimberly from Altering Life, to join up with me, and now we are team! You can call us Altering Chaos, or Barely Controlled Life.

Or you can just call me a dork and enjoy what we come up with each week.

The challenge is to pick a “theme” and each of us will shoot a photo to fit it. Then we’ll merge our photos together to make a diptych (a photograph that uses two different or identical images side by side to form one single artistic statement).

Pretty cool, huh? Each week we are going to pick our theme (taking turns) and we’ll shoot from opposite corners of the country and see what we end up with.

Here is Dipy #1:

Kimberly threw out NUMBERS as our first theme and this is what we got.

K.’s is on the left, mine is on the right. It is a little harder than it sounds, I must say. I kind of drew a blank for the first few days, but it did force me to really start looking at everything more closely.

When I opened K.’s photo this morning after I had processed mine, I was surprised (well, not really – we seem to think a lot alike on a bunch of stuff) to see hers in black & white, too. Must’ve been this week’s  subject just warranted the cut-and-dry b&w.

Stop over to see some more Team-Up Thursdays.