I fear that I have given you all the wrong idea about life here at Chaos. I am feeling a little bit guilty and really need to come clean.
It isn’t that I have been lying, but maybe I have not been entirely truthful. As I was catching up on my email and blog reading this weekend I saw that my friend Christina, who is always telling me I lead such a “charmed life,” wrote, “I’m a much better mom when someone is watching.” Hmm…that really struck a chord with me. And then my friend Kimberly did an entire post about how much she chooses to put on her blog and what she leaves out. That kind of hit home, too.
When I started this blog it was for my family to follow along with our adventures while getting fed a steady stream of photos of the girls. It has since evolved into a baby book-like milestone documentation, a little jumble of craftiness, and a whole lot of photos. But I still mostly think of it as a vehicle for when I will need a trip down memory lane after my birdies have left the nest. And I think that is why I subconsciously self-edit a lot of my posts. I want to remember all of the sweet, take-my-breath away moments. But when I look back through the archives, I realize it so isn’t the whole picture.
In fact, I’m probably giving you maybe 25% of the picture. So let me tell you the “rest of the story.”
The girls are not the angels they are usually depicted to be. They fight like all siblings do. They do not instinctively pick up after themselves. They throw fits when I suggest “why don’t you just wear the sweater that is right here.” They contradict me and have been called out on being “sassy” more times than I’d like to admit. Emma whines or does this baby talk thing and Addie “talks” in cat meows, both of which drive me to the brink of insanity.
Through it all, I try to be a patient. loving mom, that mom I want to be (or am when others are watching), but more often than not, I fail with a big, fat F. By the end of the day I just don’t have another ounce of patience. I yell. I am easily frustrated when I have to repeat myself and I’ve been known to just pretty much…give up. I get to the point where I “just-don’t-care-how-or-what-you-do-just-get-INTO-bed-NOW-before-I-get-up-to-your-room!” That old saying “when Momma’s unhappy, nobody’s happy” really rings true in our house most days in our house.
So why am I telling you all of this? I don’t know – I guess I don’t want you to think it is always rainbows and sunshine over here. I want to be able to vent occasionally and I do it best through writing, so I don’t want you to be totally surprised when I sit down and write an out-of-left-field rant. And I also want you to know the behind the scenes, I am like every other ordinary mom trying to raise kids that will be kids. I don’t have it all figured out, I’m just a pretty good actor.
In the end, it all comes down to – when I look back, I don’t want to remember the days that I am not the mom I want to be. I want to remember the amazing moments and feel like I really did enjoy the little things. So I won’t apologize anymore, but there will always be more “good day” posts than “bad day” ones. And lots of photos, too.
I can totally relate to your post Carrie. I read Christina and Kimberly’s post as well and it was so refreshing to know that I am not alone. I too am a much better mom when someone is watching. I yell way too much. I get very distracted and don’t pay nearly enough attention to my kids. I think we all are more inclined to write about the happy moments and post the smiley photos. Like you said this a way to document the special moments in our lives, but it is definitely ok to rant too. Awesome post Carrie!!
Anyone of us could have written that post. Ever since I was little I’ve only told my friends the good stuff and never told when I was bad and got in trouble, when I didn’t have any money, when my mom and said “no you can’t”. It’s partly innate to protect ourselves. And to look good to others. It’s hard to put yourself out there for “judgement”. I can’t say that I’m ready to join you
but I’ll try. Thanks for making it one step easier for me.
Hey, relax and enjoy the “real” deal of raising kids. Sounds perfectly normal to me. You are doing a splendid job! Nobody’s kids are perfect all the time. Its not all sunshine and roses. We have to have a little rain once in awhile too. Makes for well rounded growing-up.
A lot of the times it’s the fact that you just have no desire to rehash the bad. You want to share the awesome.
That said… no one would be shocked at a rant post. We all try to be that mom we are when someone is watching us. But, we all have those bad mommy moments. If someone says they’ve never had those bad days I would think they were a total liar.
And now I must say… since you’ve mentioned Emma’s whiny baby talk and Addie’s cat meow’s…. I think our children may have been siblings in another life. Separated at birth? Clones? Seriously, some days Ana wakes up and the first thing out of her mouth is “Mommy… I’m a cat. Meow meow meow.” and then Zoe whines “is she going to do that again all morning????”
Yeah… I think it all sounds normal.
You mean you are human too?! I think it’s very natural to focus on the good and gloss over the bad. As you said, that’s the stuff we want to remember. I know we all have our own private struggles, but since we all tend to paint rosy pictures of our lives, it can feel very lonely out in the real world. It’s comforting to be reminded that others are there too. I’ve had a similar “coming clean” post rolling around in my head, but real life has prevented it from getting written yet.
Oh, and the talking in meows and baby talk? Yup, happens here too.
Haven’t been by in awhile. Sayin’ hi!
I’m no stranger to venting, but that is just part of being a parent, I think. While I love their little personalities, I think it is a-okay to realize that neither you, nor them, are perfect all the time. I can climb right into that “just get to be already!” wagon train. Ugh…some days…
Well thank goodness for that! Unlike all you lovely ladies though, I am an externaliser. If I have a bad day I like to talk about it. In fact, I whinge soo creatively some of my friends think I am living in agony and cannot understand why I do not leave home and seek my fortune elsewhere
…I should probably do more celebrating of the normal, the mundane, the ordinary little things that make life bearable (as well as the really awesome stuff of course). In the meantime, I always enjoy calling in at The Chaos to see the beautiful faces of the girls, the amazing creativity of the Mom and the well written words.
If you couldn’t write that post, I’d be worried.
Carrie, I don’t know how I missed this post originally, so I’m sorry for the late reply.
You know, I really think this issue spans the entire blogosphere. We paint pretty pictures and gloss over the “bad stuff” because who wants to see that? Right? Well, I do! I think it’s the good AND the bad who makes up the complete picture of who we are. (This said from a woman who just took a profile shot for 52 weeks of me – and hid her double chin behind her carefully posed hand. Oy vey!) But I digress… I love this post, and I so ♥ you too.
I’m so totally right there with you Carrie. *hugs* Thank you for posting that because it makes me feel like I’m not the only one. And I know what a great mom you are. *hugs*