Today was Em’s last day of school. So she is “home,” for all of three weeks, and then the Fall Preschool starts.

It was a little anti-climatic, I think, but nonetheless, they got to have a little party. Plus she will more than likely have a different teacher next time around, so it was goodbye to sweet Mrs. McCoy. She was a wonderful teacher for Em’s introduction to the whole wide world of school.

Last week there was a little sign-up sheet for their party today and I asked Em what she would like to bring. I was reading down the list, “water, cheese and crackers, cut-up fruit, brownies…”

“BROWNIES! I want to bring BROWNIES, Mama,” she screamed.

Ah, a girl after my own heart. So we signed up for brownies.

Then last night we went over to the neighbor’s house to get the “scoop” on their kitties and fish, since we are taking care of them while they go on vacation. (We also get to “take care” of their pool for the week, yahoo! And it is a really, really nice pool!) So we were swimming, (the kids were, at least) having a glass of wine, (that would be the grown-ups) and visiting.  And time kind of got away from us, so I didn’t get the girls home and in bed until nearly 9:00. And yes, paid for it all day today, cranktankerous girls!

As I was quickly hosing them down in the bath, Em pipes up, “Oh, Mom! Don’t forget we have to make brownies for school tomorrow!”

*#@%!.  I had forgotten. Of course.

So I shuffled them off to bed and ran downstairs to make a couple batches of brownies. Pulled them out, ran to bed myself and thought all was well.

And then I had “brownie” nightmares. The entire night. In between Emma waking me up (a grand total of 7 times) I would get back to sleep I would have some snippet of a dream that involved those stupid brownies.

The first dream was that the brownies had nuts in them and made half the class sick. After I woke up with a start, and then realized I had in fact, NOT, put nuts into them, I drifted back to sleep.

I think Em woke me up once or twice in there, and then I had a dream that Ad had knocked the whole plate of brownies on the floor, and I had to “smoosh” them back into squares because I didn’t have time to make any more.

And, cue Em, who wakes me up because she had to go the bathroom, then I realized Addie hadn’t been anywhere near the brownies, so it was, just a dream. All is still ok.

And finally in that early-morning, kind of “floating in-and-out” sleep, I dreamt that I had entirely forgotten to make the brownies and was running around trying to figure out what to do.

As I woke up from that one, and reassured myself that I did indeed make the brownies and they were ready to go, I tried to figure out why all this stress over some cocoa, sugar and eggs?

I came to the conclusion that I so want to be that Mom who can do it all; bake brownies, have a fantastically clean house (where I can serve brownies off of the floor!), look all pulled-together – you know that calm, cool, collected Mom that seems to just have her crap sorted out. I want to be her, but it is just so hard. And it has been especially hard this week.

It isn’t an earth-shattering conclusion, I know, but I think I just need to let something go. I feel like I strive on having a “full plate.” I seem better organized and I love being able to look back on the day and really feel like I accomplished something, if I have a looming “to-do” list. But really is it worth it?

I mean will Emma remember that I made brownies for her to bring into her “Last Day” party?

Well, let’s not answer that. Because knowing the memory on that girl, she will.

Maybe I just need to find a good bakery where I can buy a decent batch of brownies and pass them off as homemade, and call it a day.