{"id":3175,"date":"2011-08-10T22:25:02","date_gmt":"2011-08-11T05:25:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/?p=3175"},"modified":"2011-08-10T22:25:02","modified_gmt":"2011-08-11T05:25:02","slug":"my-heart-is-still-hurting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/?p=3175","title":{"rendered":"My Heart Is Still Hurting."},"content":{"rendered":"

I think it has been very hard to get back into the swing of things this week. Besides the fact that re-entry into reality after a trip is always hard for me, we were thrown a complete curve ball while we were on vacation as well.<\/p>\n

One of my very best friends in high school passed away while we were in Orlando. He was only 38 years old. I cannot even begin to explain the emotions I felt as I heard about the complications from (what should have been) a very routine surgery, and the agony of waiting for the final call. I’m still having difficulty putting it all into words, which as most of you know, isn’t usually a problem for me.<\/p>\n

Thankfully we were already cramming a few days on to the end of our trip to stop in Michigan. This allowed J. and I a chance to join in the memorial with some of our high school friends, and gave us an opportunity to remember and share stories about our dear friend. I thought that the evening was very cathartic and I actually was feeling better – a little bit less in shock.<\/p>\n

But now we are home. I’ve since dug out old photos, scrapbooks and yearbooks and now – I’m sad all over again. He was so incredibly smart. He was everyone’s friend. He was one of the kindest, most caring guys I have ever met. He always had a smile, hug and word of encouragement for everyone in his path. And now I’m angry with myself for not trying to make time to see him when he was in LA a few months ago. I’m mad that the hospital could be so inept and careless. And I’m furious that he was taken from us so soon. He was really so special.<\/p>\n

And the worst part? I mean besides the fact that he is no longer here, the worst part was talking with his mom. Now that I’m a mother, I cannot for the life of me understand how someone “goes on” after something like this. How you lose a child and continue on in this life without them? My heart breaks for her.<\/p>\n

So two things. Now I’m determined to tell my friends and family every chance I get how much they mean to me. I know it is always said, “Don’t take life for granted – you never know what tomorrow might bring,” but there is nothing like a wake-up call like this to remind you.<\/p>\n

And also, I admired Michael for figuring out what he believed in, what was best for him and his world, and for choosing to live his life to the fullest. He didn’t live the way he was “expected” to, and he didn’t act how someone wanted him to act. I’m figuring out how I can do this in my own life. See, even though he isn’t here with us, I’m still learning from him.<\/p>\n

I miss you, Mikey. Rest in peace.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

(Mikey and I worked on the local newspaper together and apparently we always had cameras up to our faces – we have VERY few good pics of us back then. Hmmm…still sounds a bit familiar. At least the digital age has brought us a little better photo quality!)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think it has been very hard to get back into the swing of things this week. Besides the fact that re-entry into reality after a trip is always hard for me, we were thrown a complete curve ball while … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3175","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/psMOS-Pd","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3175"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3175"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3175\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3177,"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3175\/revisions\/3177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3175"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3175"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/barelycontrolledchaos.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3175"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}