Dear Emma Gracie -
This weekend I had a very surreal peek into the future. It was as if we had fast-forwarded a good twenty years and I got a glimpse at what kind of Mom you will become. It was exhilarating and a bit frightening all at the same time to sit and watch you practically age in front of my very own eyes.
We were watching the neighbor girls and you are completely smitten with Sydney, (which is totally understandable since at six months she is at that great, adorably sweet, and delicious age). You are just fascinated with every aspect of her, even down to the diaper changes!
“Mama, I think Sydney wants to play with this.” “Mama, Sydney likes it when I hold her like this.” “Mama….” and so it went all afternoon. Addie and Madison tried to get you to play with them but you kept telling them, “No, I want to help Mama with baby Sydney.”
When I laid her in your arms and she started to take her bottle from you, the pure joy you were radiating was unmistakable. You were positively beaming. And then you sighed, “Mama, look. I think she really likes me!”
Oh, Gracie. It is so bittersweet. On one hand I love seeing that amazing, caring side of you and it verifies my belief that you are becoming a beautiful (on the inside and out!) girl. And I have no doubt that you are going to be the absolute best mommy someday. But, it wasn’t that long ago that you were Sydney’s age. I mean it was just yesterday wasn’t it? And so my internal struggle continues. I want nothing more than you to grow up happy and healthy, but it oh sometimes it really hurts. Thankfully you are happy and healthy, so it takes a little of the sting off.
So let’s try this. You keep that enthusiasm and readiness to help – but do me a favor and stop growing up for a few years. Let Mama catch up.
I love you, my sweet Big girl.
Mommy
(I wish I had focused more on Em’s face in this photo – albeit Sydney is scrumptious, isn’t she? But I love this photo because it reminds me of my view the entire day. Em gazing adoringly at Sydney.)
She sounds like a natural. It is a bittersweet pill indeed.
I know you wished you had focused more on Emma but your post told the whole story. You are such a great mom — and I understand completely your desire to make your “mothering” days last as long as possible. But when those girls of yours are women, you will get the reward of raising them well — and maybe that sweetness will take away some of the bitter you are feeling now. Beautiful post!!!
Sweet picture and beautiful post, Carrie! Brought tears to my eyes! I don’t have those yearnings for my boys to be babies again, yet…I’m sure because they are still pretty much babies! But, I always think of the days when they will wipe away my kisses & not want my hugs when I drop them off at school and it makes me sad…I hope I can keep them close to me as they go through all of the stages though – If I can do that, life will be good!
I wonder if a week will go by that you don’t make me cry. Man, oh man. Very sweet post Carrie.
Ah, Jen! Your day is coming, my dear. Harper is not that far behind our fair Em! Girls. They are just the most amazing creatures I think I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Especially at ages 6 and 4. There is something magical about the timing right now.
Oh that internal struggle – AGH! Funny, but Harrison is very affectionate and loving to babies and wants to take care of them too. He often tells me he wants a baby sister (sorry Harrison). then in the next instant he is off running and doing Karate moves. but he’ll return to gently check on the visiting baby. He cracks me up.
come hang out with us any time!!
YOu have such a way with words Carrie. I think you’ve described so perfectly what every mother feels about her children growing up. Bittersweet indeed.
I agree with the others – you have a powerful and touching way with words. I need to keep the tissues handy when reading your posts.
Nadia is such a natural mommy too, so I ralate to this bittersweet pride on so many levels. Watching our babies become little ladies, who now dote on other babies, is…well, exactly what you expressed so eloquently above!