Dear Emma Gracie -
This weekend I had a very surreal peek into the future. It was as if we had fast-forwarded a good twenty years and I got a glimpse at what kind of Mom you will become. It was exhilarating and a bit frightening all at the same time to sit and watch you practically age in front of my very own eyes.
We were watching the neighbor girls and you are completely smitten with Sydney, (which is totally understandable since at six months she is at that great, adorably sweet, and delicious age). You are just fascinated with every aspect of her, even down to the diaper changes!
“Mama, I think Sydney wants to play with this.” “Mama, Sydney likes it when I hold her like this.” “Mama….” and so it went all afternoon. Addie and Madison tried to get you to play with them but you kept telling them, “No, I want to help Mama with baby Sydney.”
When I laid her in your arms and she started to take her bottle from you, the pure joy you were radiating was unmistakable. You were positively beaming. And then you sighed, “Mama, look. I think she really likes me!”
Oh, Gracie. It is so bittersweet. On one hand I love seeing that amazing, caring side of you and it verifies my belief that you are becoming a beautiful (on the inside and out!) girl. And I have no doubt that you are going to be the absolute best mommy someday. But, it wasn’t that long ago that you were Sydney’s age. I mean it was just yesterday wasn’t it? And so my internal struggle continues. I want nothing more than you to grow up happy and healthy, but it oh sometimes it really hurts. Thankfully you are happy and healthy, so it takes a little of the sting off.
So let’s try this. You keep that enthusiasm and readiness to help – but do me a favor and stop growing up for a few years. Let Mama catch up.
I love you, my sweet Big girl.
(I wish I had focused more on Em’s face in this photo – albeit Sydney is scrumptious, isn’t she? But I love this photo because it reminds me of my view the entire day. Em gazing adoringly at Sydney.)