I realize that Chaos has been kinda “Addie-heavy” around here lately. This became pretty apparent as I was flipping through photos and I had about 20 “keepers” of Ad, but far fewer of Em. And lately our Flickr photos is just one long stream of Addison sprinkled with an Emma or two here and there. So I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out this trend, I mean Emma is here. She is around.
And all I can come up with is…she just doesn’t seem to need me so much. She’s testing out her wings which just doesn’t involve Mommy.
“Can I just read these books on my own?” she’ll ask as I’m turning out her lights.
“Can I go play pbskids on the computer? – No it is okay, I can do it myself, Mama!”
“Nah, I don’t really want to go for a bike ride, I’ll just stay here with Daddy.”
“Can I go play with Audrey. No without you. You can drop me off?”
When I asked her if she wanted to go to the beach tomorrow, she said “Yeah! Who is going with us?”
(Because she can’t go to the beach with just her Mom?)
She just seems so old. Mature. Thirteen already!
And as she is off doing all the big, independent six-year old things – without me – I guess I must have just turned the camera and attention to Addie instead.
But while we were walking through a store last night, I felt Em’s soft, little hand reach up for mine. We wandered around, her hand in mine, as she pointed out all kinds of things that she thinks we need at home. I looked down to my favorite sweet spot on the top of her head, and there, under a bunch of blue hair glitter, I found my little girl. Looking up expectantly at me, willing me to just listen to her. In that moment I realized she may be careening towards becoming a big girl, but she will always be my first baby. She will always need me patiently waiting for her, for when she gets tired of flying out on her own.
Awwwwwww. Now you’ve gone and made me get a lump in my throat and my chest…cos my first baby is still there under all that teen attitude and make-up too!
LOVE the glitter.
you know how to choke one up don’t you care? i had that same feeling yesterday as I let my first baby go see the Harry Potter movie with her daddy and she wrapped her arms around me as tight as she could. Yes, those moments make us remember =)
Awww…such a sweet post about your girl *sniff*! I guess I feel the same way with Kai. He is doing much the same things and just doesn’t seem to need me so much. Plus he will be going off to kindergarten in a month. *sigh* time just keeps marching on!
Gorgeous Shot. Beautiful Girl. Perfect Words.
Now you’ll have to excuse me while I run for a box of tissues!
Seriously Carrie…you get me everytime. Your words are so perfect and I know exactly how you feel. The photo is perfect too.
Tissue please!
I love the glitter in her air.
That touch of glitter makes this shot so magical. Gorgeous words, gorgeous photo.
i have boys, but it’s the same thing as they get older. what a lovely shot you’ve chosen to accompany your post.
That’s abeautiful post!! It must break your heart and make you proud at the same time that she’s venturing out on her own. It means you’ve done your job well of supporting her and giving her enough courage to be alone. And what a beautiful picture to go with the post!
Awwww! *sniffle* Why aren’t you a writer, Car? You have such a way with words! You baby forEVER – just like Nadia will be mine.
What a beautiful post! I’m always thinking about my boys shewing me away someday – I hope they will always have a special place for me! Girls are different than boys – practically every girl I know wants her mama even in her 30s – practically every guy I know wants their mom to leave them alone! Here’s hopin’ mine will be different!
Gorgeous photo too – those eyelashes are gorgeous!